On This Day

On this day last year I gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl. My life hasn’t been the same since that day. We named her Tamara meaning Palm Tree. A Palm Tree is a very strong tree, through severe storms it remains standing. It may be swayed by strong winds but ultimately it remains standing, it doesn’t break. Palm Trees are also fruitful trees. I could go on about Palm Trees but for now I’ll end here because this speaks of the kind of person I pray my daughter will be. Strong in the Lord, strong as a woman of God and fruitful.

On the 9th of February 2012, if you had told me I was going to be a mother one day I would have despised you because on that day we lost a full term baby boy due to pre-eclampsia. I was so hurt I thought I could never go through pregnancy again. At that time I told myself I couldn’t do it again.

Today I thank God He gave me strength in my day of trouble. I thank Him that He lifted me up from my hurt and sorrow. I thank Him for giving me that ability to let it all go and to hope again. For today, I celebrate my daughter’s first birthday.

Happy birthday to my gorgeous bubbly Tamara!

On this day I’m here to tell you that God has you in the palm of His hand. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you if you let Him be God in your life. Even in the dark times when you feel alone, He’s there. Don’t give up or turn your back on Him when times are rough, even when it seems the tough times won’t come to an end. Hold on and give Him praise!

Psalms 18:2-3 KJV

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.  I will call upon the Lord , who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

Psalms 30:11 KJV

Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;

Isaiah 26:4 KJV

Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:

Psalms 46:10 KJV

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Random Thoughts….Get Over It!

I never knew having a baby would be like this! 😀 What do I mean? I mean I never knew I would be learning stuff from her, as much as she’s learning stuff from me!

When my daughter gets upset she throws a mini tantrum or she cries. This usually happens when we do something that she’s not happy with, when we stop her from doing what she wants, when we take a toy away or when we take her out of the bath. She even cries sometimes when we want to change her diaper but she still wants to play. And when I say cry I mean she cries a lot! Sometimes when I delay a bit on feeding her she wants to bite me! 😀 But thankfully she doesn’t stay upset that long. She “forgives and forgets” after a few minutes and it’ll be all laughs and giggles again.

So what if us as adults responded the same way to all offences that come our way. Not the crying part, the forgiving and forgetting part. Unfortunately we like to hold onto offences and grudges. We keep them in a “compartment” in our hearts and every now and then we like to take them out and ponder over them, rant and rave, plot revenge where possible. Imagine if we just let them go like children do. Imagine how much happier we would be. Imagine how much this world would be a better place.

Lord, help me to forgive and forget where I have been wronged. Help me to let go of past hurts, grudges and offences.

Matthew 18:4 KJV Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 6:14-15 KJV For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:    But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Random Thoughts….Weaknesses

It has been a long time since I wrote anything…I have no excuses! So many thoughts are going through my head as I watch my daughter sleeping. She has grown so much and amazes me everyday. As I have said before, having her in my life has made me see myself and my relationship with God in a new light.

Being a mother has exposed my weaknesses, the greatest being impatience. As my daughter is growing more independent, I find myself getting more impatient. She wants what she wants, not what I want for her. She can’t understand when I steer her away from danger, she throws little tantrums, and the minute I put her down she wants to go back to the same place. This is where my frustration starts setting in and I have to constantly remind myself that she is a baby and doesn’t understand.

Let me get back to my point. “She wants what she wants, not what I want for her.” Wow, how many times have I done that…wanting what I want and not what God wants for me. How many times has He pointed me in the right direction, but I have turned the other way to pursue my own things? The Bible says God has plans for me, plans to prosper me, not to harm me. How many times have I failed to trust God and trust His plans for me?

My prayer is for God to forgive the many times I’ve done my own thing.

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Psalms 46:10 KJV Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Audience of One

Something to think about…

Chris Martin Writes

I’ve been a Christian since 1992, but I am finally starting to realize what that title truly means. For many years, I read the script and played the role, but it was methodical, robotic at best. I knew the key Bible verses and all the “Christian” buzz words, but I was merely going through the motions. The reality of the Gospel was just a foreign concept to me. It was something the missionaries in Africa were doing.

I didn’t have a spiritual walk, it was more like a spiritual fetal position. I couldn’t even consider it a crawl.

I knew something had to happen, a change needed to take place in my life. I began to realize that I was doing absolutely nothing to further the Kingdom of God and share the Gospel with other people. And that’s not okay. If we are born again, claiming to be a follower…

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Mourning Into Dancing

My daughter is sleeping right now. As I look at her I can’t help thinking that she looks so much like the baby I lost. Everything looks almost the same, especially the eyes. She reminds me so much of the son I lost. I can’t help imagine what it would have been like if he had survived. Would I still have had Tamara or she wouldn’t be here? One thing I am certain of is that I am happy I decided to try again. I am happy I didn’t give up after the disappointment and hurt I went through. I am grateful God blessed me with a beautiful little girl that fills my life with joy. God has surely given me beauty for ashes, He has turned my mourning into dancing!

I had lost all hope and had vowed I wouldn’t do it again. I told myself I wouldn’t survive another pregnancy and the possibility of losing another baby. God gave me the courage to try again. Fear threatened to overwhelm me during my second pregnancy but I did not give in. When the time to give birth came, I was so nervous I passed out during surgery but only after I had heard my baby cry. I woke up as they wheeled me to the recovery room. They brought my baby to me and all I could say was oh my!

God is forever good and faithful!

Sorrow Into Joy

Today, 9 February, is the day that I lost my baby two years ago. It is a day that I wish to forget but cannot. It is permanently stamped on my mind. It is easier to relive the events of that day though. God has been my rock and strength. And He turned my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy, by blessing me with a wonderful daughter whom I love with all my heart.

I praise God, my Father, the Creator of the Heavens and the earth, for all He has done for me.

Mummy Diaries….Joy

Being a mum is a blessing and such a joy. I remember the day she was born as the happiest day of my life. Up till now it has been such a joy having Tamara in my life. She’s so full of energy and joy, and it’s infectious….maybe not the full of energy part but certainly the joy. I find myself laughing even when I don’t want to. I find my heart so full of happiness without even searching hard for happiness. My life has truly changed.

When she looks into my eyes my heart melts. She wakes up in the morning with a smile for me that just truly blesses me. She holds onto me and doesn’t want to be too far from me. I must admit, it feels good to know that someone loves and needs me that much. I wish I could capture each moment forever.

The Lord has truly blessed me.